Alright, so I got some news today and my first reaction was to laugh and do a little internal dance. But some might think it is a wrong reaction and say I’m a bad person and hey hate to burst the bubble but not all Canadians have a candy coated center.
What the news is I’ll tell at the end of this little story.
But I must give some background so people don’t think I am a complete and horrible monster, although, if people told me was I’m not sure I’d be phased. Anyway…
I found at 16 my mother was Schizophrenic, before this time no one had told me this and I think if they did maybe it would have changed my mind about how I felt about her or maybe not. But being more informed may have helped me in the long run. Either way, before this time I had nothing to explain her erratic and strange behaviour. I had been placed in foster care because she harassed my legal guardian (my paternal grandmother) at the time and when I went for visits with her I was often placed between my grandmother and her. It was weird and awkward. But I didn’t understand all that was going on. Fast forward to age 14, I decided I wanted to live with my mother (still not knowing she was mentally ill) - that I wanted to be done with the foster care system. She was pregnant with my half-brother and I moved in a few weeks before he was due and before I was due to start a new high school. In the month I lived with her I found myself the adult, not only taking care of her but taking care of a little baby. I began to see things as I lived with her but the real fear came of having her taken away to a mental hospital while I faced being evicted with no place to go (my brother had already been taken away before this and placed in foster care).
I saw a bit of light but it wouldn’t be until a month later while visiting my maternal grandfather for lunch that she barged in, demanded things from me and then barred me from leaving (pushing me and then at one point sitting on me). I had to call the cops so I could leave the apartment. It was after that she got worse, coming to my school and harassing me (to which the school gave her a restraining order). She would call friends and family phone numbers she had looking to get in contact with me, she would harass these people and make them feel guilty. When I left for university it was like breaking free, she couldn’t get to me- she tried but the school wouldn’t give out my information. I cut most of my ties with her. I was under obligation from foster care to take what she gave as gifts but I only sent along notes of I was fine. I never gave her my phone number or alluded to where I was living ever. My mother has a track record of violent behaviour and I felt like I had put myself in almost witness protection fearing my name being online or anywhere that she would find me, harass me and likely ruin my life. It has taken me a long time to get over the abuses I suffered with her and to be okay with not having contact with her and yet people judging me for not being supportive. I’m sorry she has threatened my life and the life of others - no thanks.
So someone messaged me saying they saw an article in the local town paper and offered their condolences. So the paper has indicated she may have passed. Which is almost a sigh of relief for the future of my family and having to possibly not worry about a child having the same last name as me and having to go through all I went through if she ever found them or saw their name somewhere.
So my reaction - horrible human being or understandably a bit weird?
I like how Natasha always cares about other people’s safety before hers.
Can the Man of Steel do that? No he can’t.
In other words where the hell is my Black Widow movie?
When HYDRA was in pursuit of her in the CATWS movie, I wondered why Nat kept running straight, when a zig zag pattern would have made her harder to hit. It just now occured to me, if she HAD ran in a zig zag pattern while surrounded by innocent pedestrians in DC, the Winter Soldier’s bullets could have hit any number of people. She had increased the chances of her getting shot just to make sure more people got away.
I think this is one of the reasons she bonds so well with Steve.